As I am dictating this blog to my beloved siri in my phone. It’s 6:30am, although I’ve been up for a lot longer.
I’m sure you know that when your tired, the day seems to just drag by, and you may feel like you are wasting a day.
But the thing with God is he can use you at whatever place you are in and he’s defo doing this with tired, anxious little me this morning!
BUT… incase you have stopped reading because you don;t believe in God so feel like this isn’t relevant to you.
I’m here to tell you that this isn’t about your beliefs. It’s about the life-changing experience you can have my simply saying one or two words to the one above. Even if you don’t truly believe in him!
So anyways, besides that little disclaimer. Lets get into this little story!
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As I am walking at 6:30am this morning. Whereby the farmers begin their day, I feel like ending mine as I am SOOOO TIRED!
So I am praying for for strength to get through the day!
As I was doing so, I looked at my beautiful dog in front of me and watched as he always looks back to make sure I was there, with those big happy eyes and a smile full of pure joy!
And even though his morning routine was disrupted, as he had to get up early and didn’t get breakfast.As well as anxiety leading me to be a bit impatient with him then normal. He continued to smile at me and trot ahead with his gorgeous little paws.
But this morning when he did this it didn’t feel like it did all the other times…
Because when my Jake looked back at me it was like God was reminding me that he goes before me and is always looking back at me to guide me the way. There’s a bible scripture that In Deuteronomy 31 (a chapter in the bible) that says ‘The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
When you feel like life is falling apart and you feel like nobody around you has the answers, know that there is someone above who does!
And yes you may be thinking, that there is no supernatural being who made me and this Earth. And that this is all just something to make people feel better about death!
Well even though that is true, for believing in Jesus gives us reassurance for the future, he also guides me to make rational decisions and gives me strength when I’m down! (SO BASICALLY HE IS THE ULTIMATE BEST FRIEND WE CAN HAVE)
And if you read this and still would love physical prove that God exists (so get why you would want prove). I’m here to tell you that…
-There is physical evidence that Jesus exists (documents etc)
-Peoples lives seem to transform one way or another when they accept Jesus
-Plus if you are a big believer in the Universe! That is probably because the creator of the universe has your back too!
-And many famous scientists in the world like Newton believed in God!
Plus there has probably been a time in your life when you have questions the purpose of living and why you are here. And wondered if there if God does exist!
TOUGH THOUGHTS RIGHT!
JESUS=LOVE
AND I’M HERE TO TELL YOU, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO THINK THAT WAY ALONE!
That’s why I would really encourage going on an alpha course! Whereby those who are seeking life’s deeper questions get some answers! (You can find the nearest one near you, by just searching for local alpha courses online)
But anyway, I think what I’m trying to say is…Life can be tough!
And sometimes no matter how many amazing people you have around you or don’t have around you. You wish you had that never-changing, loyal friend that you can just dump everything on.
Well… Jesus is just that!
As he always has your back whether you believe in him or not. `Best of all no matter how anxious, fearful or depressed you feel! He is going before you and has a plan for you beyond imagination (Just like my dog showed me this morning!)
All you have to do is be kind, choose love and pray for help and guidance along the way. Even if you don’t feel it in your heart and watch him change your life for the better! xx
If you have any questions on faith, because faith is one of the most difficult but rewarding journeys you will ever experience! SO PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask! (I’m still learning too)
If you spend a lot of time in town, you would be guaranteed to see me at least once a week on my own , walking or skipping through the street with a pink sparkly water bottle and a book under my left arm Most likely walking from or to my favourite plant-based cafe with a huge smile on my face!.
And I know what your thinking…YOUR HAVING A DATE ON YOUR OWN?! You must’ve no friends!
And if you are thinking this, most likely many people agree with you. As I’ve had people stare at me weirdly whilst I sit at a table on my own, whether it be after school on a week day or getting a cup of tea before I start worship rehearsals at my church on a Friday night.
And yes there have been moments that I’ve agreed with you there! With everyone around you having a drink with their friends or family or doing work emails(apparently the only appropriate social situation to be on your own). You can feel a bit ‘different’ some times!
But then I have to tell myself, how would I feel if I was sitting around a group of people in a coffee shop?
I remember sitting in those groups with my ‘friends’ a few years ago,before getting diagnosed with autism. Feeling so socially drained all because girl world confused me so much! And to try and cope, I started imitating the girls around me, their tone of voice, the things they would talk about, and although it felt really uncomfortable to talk about and I didn’t feel like me at all!
At least I was fitting in right?
I’m sure you also have felt this way a few times if not everytime you meet people.
AND IT’S EXHAUSTING ISN’T IT?
Plus it probably annoys the heck out of you as it does me, because you know for a fact you are an amazing person, but why doesn’t that get reflected in social situations?
And this my friends is the art of MASKING!! For you have copied and are copying other people in order to appear ‘normal’ in society.
And yes, masking may feel good for a short time, because at the end the day you can celebrate for behaving like a normal human being and nobody looked at you with that ‘oh that was a weird thing to say’ face.
When you should really be congratulating yourself for being who you are, no matter what others think of you! (Of course thats an entirely different blog post but will save that for another time)
So…when you do see me walking down the street with a book, a pink sparkly water bottle and a pair of car keys. Know that people may look at me weirdly, but i just came from a fun car ride, whereby I sang my favourite songs! I probably smile and talked to a few strangers on the way. I’ve had a morning reading my bible, and am about to sit down with my favourite book whilst eating a yummy meal! Maybe I had an anxiety attack, maybe I’ve been feeling a bit off today, but because of God I find joy in every aspect of my life!
And ain’t no weird stare going to get in the way of that!
So if you do always feel so socially exhausted all the time, or when you hang out with certain people… whether you are…you know whats coming….AUTISTIC OR NOT, then why not spend a little bit of time on your own for a while and see what happens?
P.S Little disclaimer (as per usual): This does not mean i have no friends! I am incredibly blessed to have the friends I do have in my life. Who except that i shut down in social situations and sometimes pull out of plans last minute because of anxiety (sorry guys, I’m working on it)! But it took me four 5 years to get here!
So…
If you feel like you only have friends who don’t understand your autism (or who you haven’t told yet because you are not sure how they are going to react). Then maybe this alone time will be the best possible thing for you!
AND….
Because I want you to experience the same joy I have within my ‘Me time’! Here are a couple of tips on how you can experience the same!
But before I get into that know that this has been a LOOONNNG JOURNEY FOR ME! So don’t think that by tomorrow, you will love your alone time if you are struggling with it at the moment! So don’t rush or punish yourself when you get it wrong! We are all a working progress so give yourself grace (For God already has!).
1.Don’t think ‘me time’ necessary means being on your own:Being on your own for long lengths of time isn’t a good thing. For it can easily get you into negative internal thinking, which as you can imagine…IS NOT GOOD! That’s why I usually take myself out to town or to a cafe, thereby I am able to watch people go about their lives, smiling, laughing, or anxious and pray for them! Whilst trying to make them feel hope with a passing smile or a little positive comment! Therefore I am interacting but still having alone time!
2.Turn that phone off: If you struggle with ‘me time’ and you get FOMO. Then please turn of your phone, not even that put your phone away! And enjoy the presence of the now. Your family, the book you are writing or reading and the dance party you are about to take part in after! Yes you may struggle your body and mind and feeling anxious without your phone, but that’s a negative power luring you back in! So stay strong take heart and DON’T PICK UP THAT PHONE. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to say yes to that party or send pics to that boy/girl who is giving you attention. Give yourself the attention, because that will never change!
3. Pray:I will say it now, as I will say it on every blog post and self-talk when I am stuck in a situation. We all have emotional baggage, maybe an inability to be ourselves, an inability to give up our friends even though they are draining us. Or an inability to leave the house, because your social anxiety is getting too much.
From being a girl who experienced this FOMO and always felt like I had no friends. God has answered my prayer within tears, happiness and a drunken mind. I’m telling you now…IT WORKS! It really does!He sees your worth and insecurity and he wants to help you. All you have to do is ask xx
So there you have it! I hope that this will make you feel less guilty and more worthy, because frankly- You are so so amazing, and you are going to have an impact in this world, even if you don’t feel like you are yet!
So breathe, bake, take yourself out of a date, listen to ‘Good thing by Zedd and Kehlani’ the ultimate empower song for solo time! And watch how life could just become that little bit more enjoyable!
Your value doesn’t decrease based on somebody’s ability to see your worth
-Unknown
You are probably looking at the title right now thinking, Phoebe how on earth am I a masterpiece,who is as delicious as a muffin! When I am constantly feeling anxious and down, I always get rejected by people and have been made fun of in the past. So really, I feel more like a rotten piece of garbage!
(Geez hope you breathed in that sentence because that was LOOONG!)
Quotes, my family and nature have always helped me feel grounded and find my worth again!
BUT I GET YOU GUYS AND GALS I GET YOU! But you should know that it is your limiting beliefs that are affecting your ability to see yourself for who you are (beautiful and unique)! This is why it is so important to know how to deal with these beliefs or to learn to tackle them in a way that is loving to yourself!
P.S If you are still a bit overwhelmed hold on, it will make more sense soon!
Another thing you might also be thinking is that what does this have to do with autism? (I know I’m a mind reader).
Well, one way in which limiting beliefs is affected in those on the spectrum particularly in girls, is through a thing called MASKING!
Which as we discussed in previous posts , we imitate others to fit in. This can be extremely emotionally exhausting for that means we are never truly ourselves. Possibly because we do not see our authentic selves as good enough to be able to fit into everyday society!
However you were never meant to fit in! Your beauty, flaws, and all the things that make you you! Is what has given you the ability to achieve something really special and unique to you in this life! However I don’t want to undermine any of these limiting beliefs that you have built over your life experiences!
BECAUSE MAN ARE THEY TOUGH and again is not your fault! I can tell you my limiting beliefs and feeling less then I have got in the way of my own life, as I have a fear of staying away from home for too long because I suddenly feel that I have to put a front on that I can’t relax! Maybe you are reading this, thinking that you do the same thing in a different situation
DISCLAIMER: These points count for EVERYONE, not just those on the spectrum! (Probably should have mentioned that)
Let me show you an example of this in everyday life in a little drama scene (For all my dramatic Queens and Kings…AND ACTION!
Ok ok, so I’ve got this event on later but i don’t know if i should go or not because they are not my typical group of friends, and oh no now I feel really anxious and shouldn’t go! Oh but what if I get FOMO! Ahhhh
Cut….And action!
Oh no…everybody is doing something I don’t want to do! I could join in but my stomach is already churning…Ahhh I bet to do it because I don’t want anybody to make fun of me or think I’m different!
ANDDD.SCENE
Been there done that! And I get it, you think that in your situation it is better to do what everybody else is doing rather than live up to your amazing worth. Or you don’t feel like you will be yourself in a certain social setting, so you spend ages worrying about what you should do or reflecting on the situation!
But what these both have in common is that you are telling yourself , you are not good enough to live up to your worth and be yourself !
This feeling can be heartbreaking, tearful and depressing, which again shows how limiting beliefs can taste like a piece of rubbish sometimes!
BUT GUESS WHAT??
YOU CAN CHANGE THIS!
BUT HOW MIGHT YOU ASK?
By believing this…
You are who God says you are not what other people say you are!
Or if you are not a christian change God to someone who you know loves you unconditionally (but I’m telling you even if you don’t believe in God he believes you unconditionally anyway!)
In the book of Ephesians in the bible, God calls us masterpieces which is a definition of your self-worth. Whether you believe it or not…
THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE WORTHY OF! FOR YOU ARE UNIQUELY AND BEAUTIFULLY MADE FOR A SPECIAL PURPOSE IN MIND!
You might be thinking how am I worthy of being a masterpiece, when my mental health is a mess and I’ve done ‘bad’ things!
Well the word masterpiece is just that. You are pieces that have been put together to create something beautiful. So ok you may be a bit broken at the moment and your pieces are scattered everywhere. But slowly day by day, the pieces are being put together, you are healing from negative experiences and shame. And one day you are going to look back to see how far you have come!
However, what’s really interesting about this analogy, is that without the broken pieces you couldn’t have been made into a masterpiece.
Which means your worth now is seen as just as worthy back then. Amazing right! Well in other words you’re amazing!
On the other hand, if you still don’t believe that, here are some tips on how to put yourself back together!
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Pray: I know a lot of you are reading this right now thinking you may not be christians or struggle to believe that there is an invisible being who created the world and looks after you on a daily basis! And man do I get you, which is why It has spent me 4 years to now be in a state of mind that God is 100% real and Jesus died for our sins! So trust the process,and know that God only wants you to speak to him, even if it’s just you saying ‘I need help’ and you’re not even sure if God is real yet! But TRUST ME! God has transformed my life in more ways than I could ever imagine,helping me forgive those who I thought I would never forgive and giving me the strength to say sorry when I’ve hurt someone else. Whilst always blessing me with great friendships, relationships and the small everyday miracles!AND GUESS WHAT THIS LEAD TO…AN IMPROVEMENT IN MY SELF-WORTH! AND HE CAN DO THE SAME IN YOUR LIFE TOO! All you gotta do is ask
2.Nutrition: I’m sure you are either groaning right now or saying you already do this and are tempted to skip to the next point! But HOLD ON!You might be surprised and get some good value from this point!As you already know, eating well can bring a lot of physical appearance such as energy levels, mood and physical appearance! But have you ever thought about the mental benefits of nutrition? For example, eating a colourful diet can result in improved hormonal balance, which in return will improve your mental health and cause less sudden moments of sadness if hormones are imbalanced! Furthermore, eating healthy always makes me feel like I am being my true self, without underlying tiredness, emotional roller coasters that can come from comfort eating or fad diets which has led me to be a more emotionally in control person! AND NO, healthy eating is not green salads with low calorie dressing (unless you like that, then a big round of applause for you!). It’s yummy smoothie bowls and sugar free desserts that honestly taste better than chocolate sometimes!All with a recipe you can find a quick search on google! And man does eating yummy foods that are good for you make you feel so freaking good! And your confidence and self-worth will skyrocket!
Of course, quick disclaimer! Your confidence will only skyrocket if you are eating healthy for the right reasons, so please please don’t let your motivation for eating healthy be instagram modals and calorie counting. For it means you are claiming your self-worth is built after you have achieved your ‘dream body’, Which isn’t the case at all because you will be a master price before and after you lose weight! So try and show that to how you see and in return treat your body!
3.exercise: To follow on from the last point, usually nutrition and exercise go hand in hand ( I know you are probably groaning again). But like nutrition, exercise doesn’t have to be a long run,or gym work. It could be a good old dance around your room, or a quick power walk in nature! And yes I do these on a daily basis, and yes you will get fitter and look more toned! But like nutrition, exercise helps you get rid of negative emotions and release endorphins. I remember once I was having a bad day,and had been feeling numb and the last thing I felt like was going for a run, but I decided todo it because I knew I would feel better after! Anyway as I was running I started crying my eyes out! And although this probably doesn’t sound like a good thing, exercise was helping me release suppressed feelings, thus making me feel better and more like the valuable QUEEN I am! Did people stare at me, yes. Was it worth it, heck YES!
So remember to do exercise and nutrition because you love yourself, not because you want to love yourself!
4.Cold water swims: Ok…this may seem bonkers, but on the days I don’t like to exercise and they days I do1 Cold water swims were the best thing I ever started doing! One, because the cold water instantly takes your thoughts away from the worry or sad thoughts you were having before! Plus they are sooo good for your bodyso whether its a cold, shower, bath or swim in the lake, sea or pool, trust me you will thank me later, just tale a deep breath and JUMP IN!
5.positive everyday habits; Exercise, nutrition, prayer and cold water swims are all everyday positive habits! But so is reading,planning your day, spending time with your hobbies and arranging a cup of tea with your dad everyday at 4pm (even if you live in the same household)! So make time to do one of these just 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes before bed everyday, even on the weekend! You wouldn’t believe what this has done in my life and can help one grow into the person they were meant to be! So start small, maybe read a book when you wake up and make a list of things you are grateful for before bed! Without even realising it, you will grow in self-worth and understanding!
ANDDDDD…THE END!
If you have made it this far, thank you! And I hope you gained some valuable insight into what an amazing Masterpiece you really are! And that you should aim to live up to this worthy calling Gdd hintended for you! Hope you guys didn’t mind the slightly longer posts today, accidentally deleted the first one, so hoping this one was slightly less wordy 9or atleast better worded!
Catch you all next week, and thank you so so much for reading and catch you all next week!
Sincere Self-Worth Clothing 