Day: June 20, 2020

If you spend a lot of time in town, you would be guaranteed to see me at least  once a week on my own , walking or skipping through the  street   with a  pink sparkly water bottle and a book  under my left arm Most likely  walking from or to my favourite plant-based cafe with a huge smile on my face!. 

And if you are thinking this, most likely many people agree with you. As  I’ve had people stare at me weirdly whilst I sit at a table on my own, whether it be after  school on a week day or getting a cup of tea before I start worship rehearsals at my church on a Friday night. 

 And yes there have been moments that I’ve agreed with you there! With everyone  around you having a drink with their friends or family or doing work emails(apparently the only appropriate social situation to be on your own). You can feel a bit ‘different’ some times!

But then I have to tell myself, how would I feel if I was sitting around a group of people in a coffee shop?

 I remember sitting in those groups with my ‘friends’ a few years ago,before getting diagnosed with autism. Feeling so socially drained all because  girl world confused me so much! And to try and cope,  I started imitating the girls around me, their tone of voice, the things they would talk about, and although it felt really uncomfortable to talk about  and I didn’t feel like me at all! 

At least  I was fitting in right?

 I’m sure you also have felt this way a few times if not everytime you meet people. 

 AND IT’S EXHAUSTING ISN’T IT?

 Plus it probably annoys the heck out of you as it does me, because you know for a fact you are an amazing person, but why doesn’t that get reflected in social situations?

  And this my friends is the art of MASKING!!  For you have copied and are copying other people in order to appear ‘normal’ in society. 

  And yes, masking  may feel good for a short time, because at the end the day you can celebrate  for  behaving  like a normal human being and nobody looked at you with that ‘oh that was a weird thing to say’ face. 

  When you should really be congratulating yourself for being who you are, no matter what others think of you! (Of course thats an entirely different blog post but will save that for another time) 

So…when you do see me walking down the street with a book, a pink sparkly water bottle and a pair of car keys. Know that  people may look at me weirdly, but i just came from a fun car ride, whereby  I sang my favourite songs! I probably  smile and talked to a few strangers on the way. I’ve had a morning  reading  my bible, and am about to sit down with my favourite book whilst eating a yummy meal! Maybe I had an anxiety attack, maybe I’ve been feeling a bit off today, but because of God I find joy in every aspect of my life!

And ain’t no weird stare going to get in the way of that!

So if you do always feel so socially exhausted all the time, or when you hang out with certain people… whether you are…you know whats coming….AUTISTIC OR NOT, then why not spend a little bit of time on your own for a while and see what happens?

P.S  Little disclaimer (as per usual): This does not mean i have no friends! I am  incredibly blessed to have the friends I do have in my life. Who except that i shut down in social situations and sometimes pull out of plans last minute because of anxiety (sorry guys, I’m working on it)! But it took me four 5 years to get here!

So…

 If you feel like you only have friends who don’t understand your autism (or who you haven’t told yet because you are not sure how they are going to react). Then maybe this alone time will be the best possible thing for you!

AND….

Because I want you to experience the same joy I have within my ‘Me time’! Here are a couple of tips on how you can experience the same!

But before I get into that know that this has been a LOOONNNG JOURNEY FOR ME! So don’t think that by tomorrow, you will love your alone time if you are struggling with it at the moment! So don’t rush or punish yourself when you get it wrong! We are all a working progress so give yourself grace (For God already has!).

1.Don’t think ‘me time’ necessary means being on your own:Being on your own for long lengths of time isn’t a good thing. For it can easily get you into negative internal thinking, which as you can imagine…IS NOT GOOD! That’s why I usually take myself out to town or to a cafe, thereby I am able to watch people go about their lives, smiling, laughing, or anxious and pray for them! Whilst trying to make them feel hope with a passing smile or a little positive comment! Therefore I am interacting but still having alone time!

2.Turn that phone off: If you struggle with ‘me time’ and you get FOMO. Then please turn of your phone, not even that put your phone away! And enjoy the presence of the now. Your family, the book you are writing or reading and the dance party you are about to take part in after! Yes you may struggle your body and mind and feeling anxious without your phone, but that’s a negative power luring you back in! So stay strong take heart and DON’T PICK UP THAT PHONE. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to say yes to that party or send pics to that boy/girl who is giving you attention. Give yourself the attention, because that will never change!

3. Pray:I will say it now, as I will say it on every blog post and self-talk when I am stuck in a situation. We all have emotional baggage, maybe an inability to be ourselves, an inability to give up our friends even though they are draining us. Or an inability to leave the house, because your social anxiety is getting too much.

From being a girl who experienced this FOMO and always felt like I had no friends. God has answered my prayer within tears, happiness and a drunken mind. I’m telling you now…IT WORKS! It really does!He sees your worth and insecurity and he wants to help you. All you have to do is ask xx

So there you have it! I hope that this will make you feel less guilty and more worthy, because frankly- You are so so amazing, and you are going to have an impact in this world, even if you don’t feel like you are yet!

So breathe, bake, take yourself out of a date, listen to ‘Good thing by Zedd and Kehlani’ the ultimate empower song for solo time! And watch how life could just become that little bit more enjoyable!

See you all on the flip side!

 Lots of love,

PhoebeGrazia x